A Mother’s Cry

Just a peek at the chaos inside my head.

Tonight, my world is wobbling under the weight of the anxiety of not knowing what is coming for us. The ideas of what could happen play over and over in my mind, growing in intensity of the horrific possibilities, until I can’t breathe.

I’m scared to go to sleep for fear of them coming into our house in the middle of the night to drag us out, ripping us away from one another, separating us to take us to different camps.


Once a word that meant family time and adventure, fun and playful enjoyment in God’s beautiful greenery that is this gorgeous and bountiful nature that surrounds us... is now a word that incites terror and uncontrollable sobbing because I’m scared I can’t protect our children.

My white (looking) children that grew up in a right-wing libertarian home, that were taught right from wrong based on what God told us and what we learned through common sense.

It won’t matter that we aren’t your typical conservatives, but that we fall somewhere down the middle instead.

We don’t hate gay people, because sexual orientation is such a minor part of us all and doesn’t make up the entirety of who we are... and it bears no consequence on how we see each other. It is not our place to judge or hate anyone, period. 

And we’re not transphobic. Not wanting a still intact male in the bathroom with my young female children because of the abuse that could happen within that system by sick individuals pretending to be trans,  doesn’t make us transphobic. It makes us cautious and caring parents that have seen the evils that this world has to offer and how people take advantage of situations to feed that evil inside of them.

Acknowledging that there are two biological genders; male and female, does not make us transphobic either. Even trans people are trying to shift to one of those two genders... however, we do recognize that people can feel lost inside the body they were born in and feel as though they need to change that. It’s not my place to say who someone feels they are.

In that same sense, me and mine acknowledging that we are perfectly comfortable with the genders we were born into, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us either. I’m a she, and he’s a he and that should be just as accepted and celebrated.

We don’t believe women belong barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen either or that they should have no voice or opinion. However we do believe that each sex was created with a certain set of strengths and weaknesses that were meant to compliment and support the other. And the levels of that can vary big time from each individual to the next.

But dammit, we also don’t believe that all men are evil or sick and in need of being emasculated by feminists who feel that every man is inherently dangerous and bad.

We celebrate our grandfathers, fathers, sons, husbands, brothers, uncles, nephews, and male cousins.

They are NOT bad simply because they were born with a penis attached and testosterone running through their bodies.

And we believe it’s nice to give and receive compliments, even when they’re based on how we look that day. That’s ok. It’s ok to be kind, and tell someone, from the heart, that they look beautiful or that you like their hair or eyes or how they did their makeup or how gorgeous they are without makeup, etc...

Not that any of the mentioned stereotypes are really an accurate portrayal of most conservatives, but these stereotypes are what the media has painted for so many people as being the truth of all conservative’s beliefs, and they’ve said it so often that it has become truth for those that allowed it to fester within them without a logical thought of their own to help them determine lies from truth.

Or that it would inspire them to think on their own and motivate them to seek out a conversation with more than one or two groups of people to find that there are many different levels of belief within similar systems and not everyone is the same.

I believe in love.

I believe in live and let live.

I believe in the value of life, and the gift that it truly is for each of us, no matter the color of our skin or the place from which we originated from.

I believe what truly determines a person’s life is the character in which he or she carries themselves. The standards that he/she holds themselves to. And the way they treat others.

Respect for ones self and for others says so much... and it goes a long way.

I believe we are all different in many ways and still so very similar at the same time. Those differences are there for a reason. IMO, they're there to help us learn from each other. To help us build each other up and share each other's experiences and points of view to help us create a world in which we can all live peacefully and safely. And if we can't agree on those differences, we should be able to disagree without fear of violence or retaliation. 

Yet, I find myself sitting here tonight in my darkened bedroom, shaking, with tears rolling down my cheeks due to the crippling fear of not knowing what will happen to my children in this new world of chaos and disorder that we find ourselves suddenly thrusted into.

What will they do to my young, white non-liberal innocent son? To my beautiful, innocent white non-liberal daughters?

It seems to be that being or looking white and being or seeming to be conservative, or in any way patriotic is now a crime. (My children are Egyptian, Romanian and white, btw), but that won’t matter, cause they’re “watered down”.

It breaks me that anyone ever had to worry about their lives and/or the lives of their children and loved ones for any reason, but especially because of the color of their skin. No one in the past should have suffered it and no one now should have to pay for what anyone suffered or did before any of us were alive.

It shouldn’t have happened, obviously, but hurting innocent people now because of it won’t change the past, it’ll only determine who we all are now.

We have a sly, evil presence taking over this world and they’re using our past to put us in place to further control us through manipulation and lies, turning us against each other so that we won’t see what they’re doing and have time to stop them.

And we’re all so busy getting caught up in their play, that we’re allowing them to do it. They’re winning. And we’ll all pay for it; red, yellow, black, brown and white alike... no one is safe.

We are on the brink of two wars; a civil war with our government and the race war that we’ve all allowed our government to create.

We need prayer.

We need Jesus.

We need to come together as we have never done so before and stand strong as one family. And we need to do this now.